First, a big apology for the HUGE gap in time from the last update, which was over 2.5 years ago (yikes!). I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. I was not purposely avoiding this blog, but subconsciously…I was probably avoiding this blog 😊. Well, maybe not the blog itself, but just thinking about the big C.
After going through everything, I kept coming across a buzzword in the cancer world – “thriver”. Patients used to be labeled as “survivors”, but I guess that didn’t quite have the right ring to it. After all, surviving doesn’t necessarily mean a person is truly living. So, I started to reflect a bit on that….
As I am writing this, I am a little over 3.5 years out from my breast cancer diagnosis. I am feeling great, and everything looks good on the cancer front, which is fantastic! My mild neuropathy went away, my heart has been pretty normal, and I am back to all of my usual activities. Yay!!
At the same time, I created this blog to describe my authentic experience, so I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. In the time since my last post, I have had 1 new breast surgery, 5 MRIs, at least 2 ultrasounds, and countless blood tests. After each test, I hold my breath and pray. Does that mean I am only surviving…or am I thriving? I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s both. Some days, I am living my best life and am definitely thriving. I am grateful (beyond grateful) for the fact that I just had my 43rd birthday, and most days, life feels pretty much back to normal. It is only when I have a weird symptom, get my Signatera test, or have my cancer markers tested that my mind gets a little wonky. To me, thriving is mostly about having the right mindset, and if there is one thing a cancer diagnosis can do, it’s mess with your head!
Headache – could it be cancer?
Stomach pain – could it be cancer?
Limping because your hip hurts – could it be cancer?
And so on…
Before my diagnosis, I would have ignored most of those symptoms without a second thought. Now though, my perspective has shifted. It takes a bit more self-reflection to ensure I am being responsibly cautious and not flat-out paranoid when I call the doctor. Although I will say that this seems to be getting better over time.
Also, for those who may be wondering whether the new breast surgery I mentioned above was for a recurrence or just cosmetic, it was actually neither. On an MRI, I had what looked like a 1.5 cm cyst in my left (previously cancer) faux-boob on top of my silicone implant. On ultrasound, it looked like a mass. My CA 27.29 was also above normal levels, so let’s just say I was not thriving during that whole evaluation process. They sent me for surgical removal in order to test it and it turned out to be an inclusion cyst (phew…and also…yuck!). You know life is strange when you are so relieved to have a cyst 🤦♀️.
In the end, I think this is just a long recovery process, both physically and mentally, and I think that’s okay. No matter where you are in this journey, you are surrounded by more love than you probably even understand – from your family, friends, and even from complete strangers who are thinking about you and praying for you. Strangers like me! I may not know who you are, but I am looking forward to the day when you are thriving (and also to when they cure cancer 😉).
“I pray from his glorious unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit”. Ephesians 3:16
“…with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:26